Doc’s Blog

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

If teachers taught, why don’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. And don’t even get me started on “take a dump!”

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this commentary, I end it?

Forgot to mention that the day I took Phillip & Matthew to the property to cut some wood (last Wednesday) we were cutting wood in the clearing and this HUGE Doe came trotting across the flat space for the house and up the trail towards the back of the property. Was cool!

Still not much going on. Not with it raining like it is…

Went out to Belfair yesterday and had a sit down with Earl @ Lincoln Construction so he could explain his pricing method. It almost sorta sounds okay except I’d be doing almost ALL the work. Really, the only ’problem’ that I can see is if something were to happen to me Kathy would have to drop everything she’s doing and finish building the dome or pay Lincoln a LOT of money. Probably more than it would be worth.

A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied? "A martini please."The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man answered"oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the ’theory of relativity’, ’inter-stellar space travel’, ’the latest medical breakthroughs,etc…….

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "
A Martini please." Again it was superb? The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"

This time the man answered, "Oh about100". So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do that week end. The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.
Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out " Uh…..’bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked ,
"A-r-e . y-o-u-r . .. p-e-o-p-l-e . . r-e-a-l-l-y . . .g-o-i-n-g . ..t-o . . n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y-???"

It’s raining pretty good today so once I get up and started I’ll be getting on the phone and calling a few more General Contractors. Gotta get off my ass and call Larry Byrnes @ monolithic also and I don’t want to. I really don’t like talking to him. Nothing gets accomplished! We paid him over $900 to finish off the plans for the dome; and got back crap. I don’t believe he even looked at the stuff I sent him with where I wanted electrical plug-ins or lights. And he added fans where we didn’t want them. His plumbing detail isn’t. And he will not put in the augments for the windows! No, I am not a happy camper when it comes to Monolithic’s architectural department.

Two Taliban mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mums pulls out her bag and starts flipping through pictures and reminiscing…”This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He would be 24 now”.

The other mum replies, “I remember him as a baby.”

Mum says, “He’s a martyr now.”

“Oh, so sad my dear.”

Mum flips to another picture. “And this is my second son, Kalid. He would be 21.”

“Oh I remember him. He had such curly hair when he was born.”

Mum sighs, “He’s a martyr, too.”

“Oh gracious me ,” says the second mother.

“And this is my third son. My beautiful Ahmed! He would be 18″, Mum whispers.

“Yes,” says her friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he first started school.”

“He’s a martyr also”, Mum says, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Taliban mother looks wistfully at the photos and says………..”They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

Got up early (as usual). Went to the property to move dirt around. Stopped by the new Lowe’s and picked up 30ft of a nice heavy chain. Now if someone hits it with their truck it WILL cause some damage.

Stopped at the Sheriff’s office in Belfair to see if I could swear out a complaint about the guy that dumped his garbage on my property Monday. They said I had to have 3 (three!) pieces of paper with a name on them. Damn! But, the Deputy did look through his system and found a “Steven Barrick” local and said he’d call and tell him to pick up his garbage. Of course, he can’t guarantee that this Barrick will actually go out and do it. I’m still going to look him up and give a call if I find a number…

Reasonably nice day out once the sun showed itself. Got a LOT of dirt moved. Made my ’canyon’ a bit wider and used the dirt to shore up the edges of the road.

Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and a tough Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan; so I’d like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.” The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”

Katie Couric said, ” I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.” The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, “Now I can die happy.”

The leader turned and said, “And now, Mr. Marine tough guy, what is your final wish?”

“Kick me in the ass” said the Marine.

“What?” asked the leader. “Will you mock us in your last hour?”

“No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass”, insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flack jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the marine was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?”

“What???” replied the Marine, “and have you two assholes report that I was the aggressor?”

SEMPER FI!